so i slept him.
there. its out there.
i crossed that invisible line.
and the funny thing is
i don't care how it'll make my boyfriend see if
if he ever finds out
god, let him never find out
god, let him find out.
no,
i was most worried about
how the other one would see me
when he came back
and i told him
because i had to tell him.
its funny, now,
because it made him open his eyes to me.
i wonder, if i hadnt,
would he have been able to see me,
all grown up and ready for life?
he loves me. he said so.
i love him too.
i love him i love him i love him
i would drop everything
move to newyork
if only he'd ask me.

im all grown up
in the half year since he saw me last
my hairs grown out
my smiles grown wide.
he looks at me the same as he always did,
with only a touch of something different.

i call this fate.

i call this unfair, that he has to leave me again.
and again
and again.

little bird

Through My Eyes

i feel like typing
i don't care what
i went for coffee with dad
and we talked
he told work stories
i told school stories
and we generally
bitched about life.
it felt good.
i tried an egg nog latte
AMAZING.

i'm lost... and alone...
kid i'm right here
and i'm not leaving
there's no way to make you stay
but i'm saving all my worries
for
that day you don't need me...

my heart aches.
everytime i see him
and i would like you to understand
that i would drop you in a millisecond
to be home
and have them
and be. with. him.
just understand that.

i am APPARENTLY the only one writing
on this ol' blog lately
funny how it's " ol' " once it's no longer
shiny and new
did you know that girls disgust me?
well okay.
the girls HERE.
maybe not ...
no there are a few that disgust me there too.
i feel like i've changed.
not for the worse.
not really for the better.
just. changed.
and i remember.
when he changed.
and i was baffled to no end.
and now.
i think i've changed the same way.
and my current boy
is my me.
with all of his innocent barriers
that keep him from my world
and seeing through my eyes
because my eyes...
Lord to see through my eyes...

-little bird.