Old Piece and Un-matched Signs

"well it's these deep midnight hours
that find me awake
and the memory of you
i've burned at the stake
it's this sunshine and sunrise
i'll see in the morn
and that beautiful calm at the end of the storm"





okay so i wrote that a while ago. i'm talkin'...


a long while ago.


i came across it today. and this part jumped out.





the signs aren't matching up lately.


i gotta say. that me and relationships.


FAIL.


bigging. effing. fail.


SMACK.


top of the page in red, blotchy ink.





i think. i flirt too much.


and allow myself to be...


now what's the word.


passive?


INACTIVE.


i figure.


i'll wait it out.


why not right?


everything will work in the end.


guess what.





things still haven't worked out.

- star

Notes on a Bird

I can't really understand why people
CERTAIN PEOPLE
just have this need
to get up and go.
I
am one of those people.
And I'm an extestentialist.
But I refuse to look at my choices as choices made in bad faith
(yay philosophy class for actually TEACHING me something about myself!)
I never look to myself and say
well it's up to you to fix it little bird. you got yourself here. how are you gonna get us out?
It's something I should work on.
Why do I skip classes?, for example
First order desire.
I DON'T THINK THINGS THROUGH.
And that gets me in a shit load of trouble.
I move too fast. I don't organize my desires and my beliefs.
Dear world, this just in,
I have no idea what I'm doing.
Although I project the image that I do.
Although I pretend and lie to myself
that I do.
And I have no idea how to make a permenant change.
But I know I need to start.
And that's the first step.

That's all for whats on my mind today guys.

Chapter I Page I

"I HAVE AN IDEA!" says I.
"WHAT!" says Bird.
"LET'S MAKE A BLOG-"
"FOR US!" she finished.

our lives are stories.
insane, completely packed.
soap opera disgusting.
hilariously tragic.
and fabulous.
we don't live in the same city right now.
but we will soon.
this is our story.
in three different voices.

we may be the only eyes to this site.
but if and when you tumble across it.
hi there. from all three of us.
we are contrasting and yet we blend and walk in step
just fine.
nice to meet you.

-star