Cheater cheater pumpkin eater

you drove me home.
we sat in your car in front of my house. the curtains were drawn.

i shivered. its colder now that the sun's set.

you turned on the heating for me seat.

i thanked you.

we sat.

we talked
i was awkward

you were expectant.

finally,

i did it.

i jumped.

i stood at the fight or flight

and fought.

I leaned in and kissed him.
and you kissed me

with a bit of a smile.

a talented

magical

kiss.

Sweet and gentle and slow and passionate and insistant.

There was no mistaking anything in that kiss.

it was flavoured with you and me and the sense that

we've all the time in the world because nothing's going to change how we feel except ourselves.

And then i was akward and blushing and so happy my heart literally felt it was going to burst.

and we talked

and you touched my leg

and i brushed your hand with my fingers
and we spoke of my boyfriend and your girlfriend

what would happen if they knew

how much karma's going to hate us

how much of a bitch you are to me when others are around, because you have to be.
and then how you were currently standing her up, to sit here with me.

i adomished you

we kissed again

noses tip to tip

foreheads resting against eachother.

slow, lazy, sweet kisses that can only be described as

perfect.

and now my heart is in limbo

not knowing what to do

or what it wants

besides that it is feeling

right this second

like it wants to be back in the car.

i can't get anything straight lately.

but i know my guilt will come along the next time i see him; see him and remember your hand on my face your lips on my mouth. and know that your fingers on the inside of my elbow is better than his hand on my thiegh lips on my neck...

i've never been like this before.